Fall 1999 The Anthologist
eleven
Sophia
it was 1987 i think i was eleven yes i was eleven and there over there central park is crazy yellow and bright white my god how the green has grown over there and me over here i'm eleven and fishing for clouds on the steps of the met it can only be this museum this april day and this growing green it can only be this
and later and later it is maybe june and i am here already we have moved I think yes we have moved to this suburban place under this suburban sky and I could not never did cry for three months I never did cry I never did
in late august i cried oh how my face broke every night every night i realized all over again my god i am here but i want to be there over there where the city air and busy sounds will be the same where the queensborough bridge will be right outside my window where i will be the same where i will never grow old
october and i am twelve at twelve i still cannot sleep to the sound of new jersey nothing i need i think the sound of cars at 1 AM and the lights the lights it is too dark in this paramus-place i hate the silence here and can only think of when i was eleven over there and far away from here and now
october again but i am thirteen and the other day i left eleven behind i have changed into something not a child anymore i am no longer the same at thirteen i closed the bathroom door and cried i cried i want to go back to eleven please please i am growing too old and mother said this new pain it would pass and return every month but i could only think of eleven i was eleven once i remember because my god i was happy at eleven
it is 1994 and i am nineteen i am leaving this place here and now i am i will i'll soon be gone i am taking eleven with me and all the years in between i have only memories but my god such memories these muted ivory silks will take forever to sift through but i will always sift and remember and now i see that i wasn't always crying back then for when i was eleven i made a friend such a wonderful friend and at twelve was kissed and at thirteen i discovered Salinger and Kahlil Gibran and more there is more for i will never lose 1987-when-i-was-eleven i am just keeping it safe over there and a few steps away from me over here i am seventeen i am here i am now and my god how the green has grown.
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