Prosthetic Armpits

Camilla Olson

I sit there
sniffing super glue
Your sweater matches
your socks
I realize I've never met
a guy who dresses as 
good as you and that 
makes me laugh
You don't think it's funny
I ask if you prefer blondes
to brunettes, freckles to 
birth marks
Doesn't matter you say
You wear glasses
They're real small and
not exactly round, not
exactly square
I wear contact lenses
but I don't say anything
I ask if you ever get
sweat stains from wearing
all those white t-shirts
You know, like when they get 
all pee-colored and useless
You shrug your shoulders
and pretend like you 
don't know what I'm
talking about
Well, I continue, I once
heard of this guy who
couldn't sweat, some
sort of glandular problem 
or something
He would pass out a lot
especially when it was really
hot, because his body couldn't
cool itself off
So this doctor in some big city
out east came up with this 
invention- prosthetic armpits
They had to be like surgically 
implanted and he had to walk 
around with his arms held out 
all straight while 
his new armpits healed 
but after weeks and weeks 
of not being able to tie
his shoes or pick his nose, he 
could finally sweat
I think he ended up moving
to Florida or something
just cause he liked sweating so much
You look at me like I'm
all crazy for a second
and then you say
Do you wear contacts?